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I Got A Pony When I Turned 10

     

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

 
After years and years of forwards from friends and family about office politics and pranks, how to give blow jobs, you know you were a child of the 80s, the dalai lama walks into a bar, etcetera, etcetera, I contend that this is the funniest email forward any of us have ever received.


CHILDREN'S BOOKS YOU'LL NEVER SEE

1. "You Are Different and That's Bad"

2. "Dad's New Wife Timothy"

3. "Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"

4. "Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"

5. "The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

6. "Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"

7. "The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

8. "Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

9. "Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"

10. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"

11. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

12. "Some Kittens Can Fly!"

13. "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

14. "The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of
North
Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

15. "All Dogs Go to Hell"

16. "The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

17. "What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

18. "Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

19. "Bi-Curious George"

20. "Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"


Tuesday, November 04, 2003

 
My favorite things about Heather and Eugene's wedding:

1. Their most funny, sincere and almost-memorized vows.

2. The nicest gift card I've ever gotten.

3. Cute boys with afro wigs and short, tight pants.

4. Quiche morning, noon, and night, sometimes with bacon.

5. Patrick's Boston accent concerning everything from parks to astronauts. And his undeniable enthusiasm for repeating what I deemed appropriate.

6. Sue's divine soprano, possibly British, "church voice" rendition of Morning Has Broken.

7. Heavily meated pizza not made on the west coast.

8. Big Ben. Parliament.

9. My bizarre, miraculous even, ability to wake up on Saturday without a hangover.

10. Someone's grandmother asking me if I had enjoyed my field-hockey player costume when I had actually dressed up as an 80s one-hit wonder.

11. Spending gobs and gobs of time with the funniest people, new and old, I know.

My least favorite things about Heather and Eugene's wedding:

1. Losing my purse at the Kilburn-Peterson home, forcing the fabulous hosts to search through the night for it.

2. Finding my purse in my car 10 minutes later.

3. Not donning an afro myself.

4. The hotel elevator's insistance that I have a key card in order to visit any floor above the lobby.

5. Candles that drip and stress the mother-of-the-bride.

6. Having someone's father pass me in the hall, laughing and saying, "I SAW YOU last night!!" and having no idea what he was referring to.

7. My wedding cake being the only one at the table with fruit -- as opposed to chocolate -- filling.

8. Bees.

8. Having to give the corkscrew to Alice.

FOR ALL YOUR HOUSEHOLD NEEDS

The Past
Archives

The Present
Runonsentence
Where hilarity ensues

Helenjane
She got married

love/hate
So much conflict

Mrs. Kennedy
What exactly is the fuss?

Dangerous Candy
Don't mix with coke

Worshipping at the Altar of Mediocrity
That's one pretty kitty

The Beakdip
A commuter's log

The Lauren Tewes Fan Page
She's expecting you

The Future
This American Life
SF Gate
Homestarrunner

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